Hotham From Bogong Smashes BMMC

Just back form a couple of days enjoying the wilderness of Victoria's Highlands post race. What a wonderful place to go and enjoy, if it was just up to me I think I would look to factor in a trip to this region at least once a year.

In terms of the race I have spent a lot of time thinking about if I am happy with myself or not and after nearly a week the only conclusion I have come up with is that I still don't know yet. A lot of factors contributed to this being a tough day out, however in the back of my mind is a small voice that keeps telling me I should have kept going.

The day started pretty well and I seemed to have largely thrown the sore throat that had hung around over the two days of travel down. Mister G and CB had been kind in their sharing of experiences all of the evening before and I was confident that whilst the day would undoubtedly hold ups and downs (emotive as well) I had enough training behind me to finish the first step in my plans to move into ultras.

The start was easy enough with 135 people sensibly finding there own pace and no push or shove found any where I could see (quite different from the swim start of a triathlon). I had been studying maps and elevation charts for weeks in trying to get a better understanding of these first few climbs. With the concept of "same distance as Kedumba with twice the elevation" sitting in my mind as the only point of clarification I could create. All this meant nothing however as I progressed up the initial climb of the Staircase. It was solid to say the least and I spent much of the climb fighting thoughts of being sick based on the sore throat of the past couple of days and using this as excuse for considering pulling out early some where on the course.

Was overwhelmed by the views to our left as we made the tree line and found the last few km to the summit truly spectacular. Summited in around 1hr 50mins and settled into what felt like a steady jog across the cleared plains up top.

My favourite section of the course was next in the gentle descent found initially into the tree line past the hut and over the gentle running stream that seemed to wind with us through the trees. My head definitely appreciated the chance to drop my hat into these cool waters with the cooling lasting for some time into the deep valley ahead.

As the steepness of the descent into Big River increased I found myself talking to a runner (I must get into the habit of asking names, but I do know he was from Shepperton) who had recently completed the C2K. I found his stories fascinating and the ability of an individual to move so quickly towards such an event quite inspiring. A slight detour somewhere on the way down saw the 2 of us become about 5 as we trudged to our left to rejoin the track we had some how misplaced for a minute or two.

A the river my quads were grateful for the coolness of the water as they had just started to complain of too many eccentric contractions as we found the camping area. A brief return to the original bank, having made it about halfway across the chain to retrieve a much missed stick for a fellow competitor and it was time to get straight into the second major climb.

I had in my mind one of two final pieces of information Mister G had passed on the previous night. That the climb started hard but it dropped halfway up before hitting the second (and harder) half. I was grateful for this information as I think I would have been very disappointed to start running down hill only to find the second half of this climb unawares. On the climb I continued to struggle eating and was begging to become a little concerned with how the energy levels would go through the second half of the run. Again battled mentally with concepts of being sick and self doubt.

At Ropers Hut took some time to fill up with my designated quantity of water and eat some of the fruit on offer. Had lost track of time checks by now and wasn't too sure on what sort of time I would need to get to the cut offs. Decided that all I could do was run at the pace I had and if I made it then so be it if not much the same.

For about a km or so I thought my guts were going to reject my body. In hindsight I think I may have eaten the fruit a touch quickly. So I spent a lot of the initial kms walking to get this sorted. As we came out of the trees into the open hill tops I was very fortunate to meet Blue Dog and this meeting proved to be a point of improved motivation for myself. Initially a general hello and the advice that I would need to run a bit to make the cut off at Langfords was much appreciated and off I set with the goal of running as I could in the hope the cut of was achievable.

A few kilometers further down the trail and Blue Dog moved up next to me again and began a process of encouragement and education on ultra running I will constantly be grateful for. Over the next hour and a bit (I guess didn't actually look at the watch much) the conversation and advice saw me find a much more positive mind set and by the down hill single track to the aqueduct I was confidant I would make it to Hotham. All this from a runner I had never met prior to this run and who was battling his own injuries at the same time.

Ran through into Langfords gap using the poles as targets (3 run 1 walk or the like dependant on the slope of the hills) as I had just been taught and found I had made it with around 40 minutes to spare (some confusion in my mind as to what the cuts were at this point as I hadn't listened very well the previous night. A teacher thing not listening to instructions). This with the 40 minutes between cut offs should be plenty of time. Minimising my time at Langfords (again advice just learnt but most grateful for) largely thanks to She Who Must Be Obeyed's willingness to help unpack and repack food stocks and (well beyond the call of duty) reapply sunscreen to a filthy sweaty body. It was off to make the next cut with about 1hr 20mins (again not exactly sure but guessing).

Maintained the poles strategy to keep me on track and to help with eating during the short walks (more valuable lessons taught earlier today). It is somewhere along this point however that I put myself out of contention. So focused on counting poles and maintaining the rhythm was I that as I glanced up and saw the arrow pointing right I turned and focused on the pole a short way up the climb ahead. As I approached a lovely grassy area with hut attached another arrow proclaiming marathon course only and pointing back from where I had come created some confusion. A voice from my left asked if I was searching for the marathon course and I replied no with a silence to follow. As i continued up the track a car park and road was found and only at this point did Mister G's second piece of advice with regards to the course resonate clearly in my mind. A quick check of the map confirmed my unnecessary exploration of Wallace Hut and associated car park. The clarity of the signs message and the fact that I had replied no to the marathon course question/answer being interpreted as I must be looking for an exit. All came together in a point of clarity at once.

Back down the trail, back past the hut down the hill and back to the original arrow. A second check and the clear words 'marathon only' shone like a beacon. My fault but now in trouble for the next cut off having lost at least 30 minutes on my detour. My mind was already starting to tell me that it was all over and that Bogong High Plains Rd would have to be it. I was strangely calm about it and progressed at the same steady rate I had been before the mistake.

As I climbed the short slope to the check point I could see two other runners making their way up as well. I hoped I would get some early indication from the response they got as to whether my day would continue or not. In my mind I began to tell myself it must be too late. As the runners ahead pulled up it was unclear but looked as though they were out. I too hit the check point looked at my watch and felt I was too slow by about 3 minutes. No one was going on. I sat down, took off my bag and took in the views around certain I had missed the cut.

At some point here the check point official approached were I was sitting, near to the two other competitors. "You have missed the cut but we can ask permission for you to go on if you like as it is only by a few minutes". My mind had already accepted the cut, the bag was off, I had blown it in my head due to not reading the sign properly. Too quickly I responded "no thanks". As quickly as I said it, as my own mind questioned my response the runner next to me, full of enthusiasm (I believe it was the riddler having now read others posts) was up and ready to go.

I think I learnt as much from this situation as any on the day. I had been weak here and taken the easy option out. No doubts it would have been a long day to go on and a much tougher recovery post run. However I had passed up the opportunity to complete the event and no one but myself was responsible for this. No external factors other than a moment of mental weakness on my part. I am quickly learning about the mental battles that go on in ultra runs. Most importantly I am now learning about the surprise angles you can be lifted and defeated from in these events.

I know next time I will be stronger for an instance like this. Experience of your own and the experience of others will make me a better runner. As the runs continue these courses will remain challenging but I believe I will get past them as I improve my knowledge of running long. For now my thoughts remain stranded at the mid point of the seesaw. Some good at having run 45kms (by the 41km cut off) in difficult conditions over monster hills, but equal quantities of bad as I didn't finish. I let my mind beat me. When as I sit here I am confident I should have finished.

I will wear the T-Shirt. As Mister G said afterwards over Pizza that night "It is OK to wear it as long as you intend to come back one day and right the wrongs".

I had intended initially to tell the story of the collective BMMC as finished off by this extraordinary course. However upon reflection it is no place of mine to tell others story's following an event like this. I will leave it up to each individual to tell or not tell as much as they want. Except to say congratulations to Prince Donges on his outstanding 4th place overall. I dont think anyone knows how good is is, not even you Sleep Train.